Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Randomize
