whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
