Screwed.edu
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
