She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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