That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
me + whiskey = a bad person
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
