ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
