I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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