I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
