I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Randomize
