oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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