oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
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