Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
