Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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