One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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