Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
