I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Randomize
