watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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