you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
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