Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
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