It's a beautiful day for a hangover
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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