Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
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