According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
