wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
