I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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