Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Dicks are not precious.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
