it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
