How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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