Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
