I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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