you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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