Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
