Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
