Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
