1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
