Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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