Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize
