I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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