it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
