I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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