my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
