I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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