from now on my penis is your penis
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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