Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
