We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
