my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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