i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
