it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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