apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
