Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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