put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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