I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
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