I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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