I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
