They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
