a queef is a wish your heart makes.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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