Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
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