I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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