My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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