weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
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