Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
