he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
